CHAPTER II

_In which the Baron proves himself a good shot--He loses his horse,
and finds a wolf--Makes him draw his sledge--Promises to entertain
his company with a relation of such facts as are well deserving their
notice._

I set off from Rome on a journey to Russia, in the midst of winter, from
a just notion that frost and snow must of course mend the roads, which
every traveller had described as uncommonly bad through the northern
parts of Germany, Poland, Courland, and Livonia. I went on horseback, as
the most convenient manner of travelling; I was but lightly clothed, and
of this I felt the inconvenience the more I advanced north-east.
What must not a poor old man have suffered in that severe weather and
climate, whom I saw on a bleak common in Poland, lying on the road,
helpless, shivering, and hardly having wherewithal to cover his
nakedness? I pitied the poor soul: though I felt the severity of the air
myself, I threw my mantle over him, and immediately I heard a voice from
the heavens, blessing me for that piece of charity, saying--

"You will be rewarded, my son, for this in time."

I went on: night and darkness overtook me. No village was to be seen.
The country was covered with snow, and I was unacquainted with the road.

Tired, I alighted, and fastened my horse to something like a pointed
stump of a tree, which appeared above the snow; for the sake of safety I
placed my pistols under my arm, and laid down on the snow, where I slept
so soundly that I did not open my eyes till full daylight. It is not
easy to conceive my astonishment to find myself in the midst of a
village, lying in a churchyard; nor was my horse to be seen, but I heard
him soon after neigh somewhere above me. On looking upwards I beheld him
hanging by his bridle to the weather-cock of the steeple. Matters were
now very plain to me: the village had been covered with snow overnight;
a sudden change of weather had taken place; I had sunk down to the
churchyard whilst asleep, gently, and in the same proportion as the snow
had melted away; and what in the dark I had taken to be a stump of a
little tree appearing above the snow, to which I had tied my horse,
proved to have been the cross or weather-cock of the steeple!

Without long consideration I took one of my pistols, shot the bridle
in two, brought the horse, and proceeded on my journey. [Here the Baron
seems to have forgot his feelings; he should certainly have ordered his
horse a feed of corn, after fasting so long.]

He carried me well--advancing into the interior parts of Russia. I found
travelling on horseback rather unfashionable in winter, therefore I
submitted, as I always do, to the custom of the country, took a single
horse sledge, and drove briskly towards St. Petersburg. I do not exactly
recollect whether it was in Eastland or Jugemanland, but I remember that
in the midst of a dreary forest I spied a terrible wolf making after me,
with all the speed of ravenous winter hunger. He soon overtook me. There
was no possibility of escape. Mechanically I laid myself down flat in
the sledge, and let my horse run for our safety. What I wished, but
hardly hoped or expected, happened immediately after. The wolf did not
mind me in the least, but took a leap over me, and falling furiously on
the horse, began instantly to tear and devour the hind-part of the poor
animal, which ran the faster for his pain and terror. Thus unnoticed and
safe myself, I lifted my head slyly up, and with horror I beheld that
the wolf had ate his way into the horse's body; it was not long before
he had fairly forced himself into it, when I took my advantage, and fell
upon him with the butt-end of my whip. This unexpected attack in his
rear frightened him so much, that he leaped forward with all his might:
the horse's carcase dropped on the ground, but in his place the wolf
was in the harness, and I on my part whipping him continually: we
both arrived in full career safe at St. Petersburg, contrary to our
respective expectations, and very much to the astonishment of the
spectators.

I shall not tire you, gentlemen, with the politics, arts, sciences, and
history of this magnificent metropolis of Russia, nor trouble you with
the various intrigues and pleasant adventures I had in the politer
circles of that country, where the lady of the house always receives the
visitor with a dram and a salute. I shall confine myself rather to
the greater and nobler objects of your attention, horses and dogs, my
favourites in the brute creation; also to foxes, wolves, and bears, with
which, and game in general, Russia abounds more than any other part of
the world; and to such sports, manly exercises, and feats of gallantry
and activity, as show the gentleman better than musty Greek or Latin, or
all the perfume, finery, and capers of French wits or _petit-maîtres_.



CHAPTER III

_An encounter between the Baron's nose and a door-post, with its
wonderful effects--Fifty brace of ducks and other fowl destroyed by one
shot--Flogs a fox out of his skin--Leads an old sow home in a new way,
and vanquishes a wild boar._

It was some time before I could obtain a commission in the army, and
for several months I was perfectly at liberty to sport away my time and
money in the most gentleman-like manner. You may easily imagine that I
spent much of both out of town with such gallant fellows as knew how to
make the most of an open forest country. The very recollection of
those amusements gives me fresh spirits, and creates a warm wish for
a repetition of them. One morning I saw, through the windows of my
bed-room, that a large pond not far off was covered with wild ducks. In
an instant I took my gun from the corner, ran down-stairs and out of
the house in such a hurry, that I imprudently struck my face against
the door-post. Fire flew out of my eyes, but it did not prevent my
intention; I soon came within shot, when, levelling my piece, I observed
to my sorrow, that even the flint had sprung from the cock by the
violence of the shock I had just received. There was no time to be lost.
I presently remembered the effect it had on my eyes, therefore opened
the pan, levelled my piece against the wild fowls, and my fist against
one of my eyes. [The Baron's eyes have retained fire ever since, and
appear particularly illuminated when he relates this anecdote.] A hearty
blow drew sparks again; the shot went off, and I killed fifty brace of
ducks, twenty widgeons, and three couple of teals. Presence of mind is
the soul of manly exercises. If soldiers and sailors owe to it many of
their lucky escapes, hunters and sportsmen are not less beholden to it
for many of their successes. In a noble forest in Russia I met a fine
black fox, whose valuable skin it would have been a pity to tear by ball
or shot. Reynard stood close to a tree. In a twinkling I took out my
ball, and placed a good spike-nail in its room, fired, and hit him so
cleverly that I nailed his brush fast to the tree. I now went up to him,
took out my hanger, gave him a cross-cut over the face, laid hold of my
whip, and fairly flogged him out of his fine skin.

Chance and good luck often correct our mistakes; of this I had a
singular instance soon after, when, in the depth of a forest, I saw a
wild pig and sow running close behind each other. My ball had missed
them, yet the foremost pig only ran away, and the sow stood motionless,
as fixed to the ground. On examining into the matter, I found the latter
one to be an old sow, blind with age, which had taken hold of her pig's
tail, in order to be led along by filial duty. My ball, having passed
between the two, had cut his leading-string, which the old sow continued
to hold in her mouth; and as her former guide did not draw her on
any longer, she had stopped of course; I therefore laid hold of the
remaining end of the pig's tail, and led the old beast home without any
further trouble on my part, and without any reluctance or apprehension
on the part of the helpless old animal.

Terrible as these wild sows are, yet more fierce and dangerous are
the boars, one of which I had once the misfortune to meet in a forest,
unprepared for attack or defence. I retired behind an oak-tree just when
the furious animal levelled a side-blow at me, with such force, that his
tusks pierced through the tree, by which means he could neither repeat
the blow nor retire. Ho, ho! thought I, I shall soon have you now! and
immediately I laid hold of a stone, wherewith I hammered and bent his
tusks in such a manner, that he could not retreat by any means, and must
wait my return from the next village, whither I went for ropes and a
cart, to secure him properly, and to carry him off safe and alive, in
which I perfectly succeeded.



CHAPTER IV

_Reflections on Saint Hubert's stag--Shoots a stag with cherry-stones;
the wonderful effects of it--Kills a bear by extraordinary dexterity;
his danger pathetically described--Attacked by a wolf, which he turns
inside out--Is assailed by a mad dog, from which he escapes--The Baron's
cloak seized with madness, by which his whole wardrobe is thrown into
confusion._

You have heard, I dare say, of the hunter and sportsman's saint and
protector, St. Hubert, and of the noble stag, which appeared to him
in the forest, with the holy cross between his antlers. I have paid my
homage to that saint every year in good fellowship, and seen this stag a
thousand times, either painted in churches, or embroidered in the
stars of his knights; so that, upon the honour and conscience of a good
sportsman, I hardly know whether there may not have been formerly, or
whether there are not such crossed stags even at this present day. But
let me rather tell what I have seen myself. Having one day spent all my
shot, I found myself unexpectedly in presence of a stately stag, looking
at me as unconcernedly as if he had known of my empty pouches. I charged
immediately with powder, and upon it a good handful of cherry-stones,
for I had sucked the fruit as far as the hurry would permit. Thus I let
fly at him, and hit him just on the middle of the forehead, between his
antlers; it stunned him--he staggered--yet he made off. A year or two
after, being with a party in the same forest, I beheld a noble stag with
a fine full grown cherry-tree above ten feet high between his antlers.
I immediately recollected my former adventure, looked upon him as my
property, and brought him to the ground by one shot, which at once
gave me the haunch and cherry-sauce; for the tree was covered with the
richest fruit, the like I had never tasted before. Who knows but some
passionate holy sportsman, or sporting abbot or bishop, may have shot,
planted, and fixed the cross between the antlers of St. Hubert's stag,
in a manner similar to this? They always have been, and still are,
famous for plantations of crosses and antlers; and in a case of distress
or dilemma, which too often happens to keen sportsmen, one is apt to
grasp at anything for safety, and to try any expedient rather than
miss the favourable opportunity. I have many times found myself in that
trying situation.

What do you say of this, for example? Daylight and powder were spent one
day in a Polish forest. When I was going home a terrible bear made up
to me in great speed, with open mouth, ready to fall upon me; all my
pockets were searched in an instant for powder and ball, but in vain; I
found nothing but two spare flints: one I flung with all my might into
the monster's open jaws, down his throat. It gave him pain and made him
turn about, so that I could level the second at his back-door, which,
indeed, I did with wonderful success; for it flew in, met the first
flint in the stomach, struck fire, and blew up the bear with a terrible
explosion. Though I came safe off that time, yet I should not wish to
try it again, or venture against bears with no other ammunition.

There is a kind of fatality in it. The fiercest and most dangerous
animals generally came upon me when defenceless, as if they had a notion
or an instinctive intimation of it. Thus a frightful wolf rushed upon me
so suddenly, and so close, that I could do nothing but follow mechanical
instinct, and thrust my fist into his open mouth. For safety's sake
I pushed on and on, till my arm was fairly in up to the shoulder.
How should I disengage myself? I was not much pleased with my awkward
situation--with a wolf face to face; our ogling was not of the most
pleasant kind. If I withdrew my arm, then the animal would fly the more
furiously upon me; that I saw in his flaming eyes. In short, I laid hold
of his tail, turned him inside out like a glove, and flung him to the
ground, where I left him.

The same expedient would not have answered against a mad dog, which soon
after came running against me in a narrow street at St. Petersburg. Run
who can, I thought; and to do this the better, I threw off my fur cloak,
and was safe within doors in an instant. I sent my servant for the
cloak, and he put it in the wardrobe with my other clothes. The day
after I was amazed and frightened by Jack's bawling, "For God's sake,
sir, your fur cloak is mad!" I hastened up to him, and found almost all
my clothes tossed about and torn to pieces. The fellow was perfectly
right in his apprehensions about the fur cloak's madness. I saw him
myself just then falling upon a fine full-dress suit, which he shook and
tossed in an unmerciful manner.



CHAPTER V

_The effects of great activity and presence of mind--A favourite hound
described, which pups while pursuing a hare; the hare also litters while
pursued by the hound--Presented with a famous horse by Count Przobossky,
with which he performs many extraordinary feats._

All these narrow and lucky escapes, gentlemen, were chances turned
to advantage by presence of mind and vigorous exertions, which, taken
together, as everybody knows, make the fortunate sportsman, sailor,
and soldier; but he would be a very blamable and imprudent sportsman,
admiral, or general, who would always depend upon chance and his stars,
without troubling himself about those arts which are their particular
pursuits, and without providing the very best implements, which insure
success. I was not blamable either way; for I have always been as
remarkable for the excellency of my horses, dogs, guns, and swords, as
for the proper manner of using and managing them, so that upon the whole
I may hope to be remembered in the forest, upon the turf, and in the
field. I shall not enter here into any detail of my stables, kennel, or
armoury; but a favourite bitch of mine I cannot help mentioning to you;
she was a greyhound, and I never had or saw a better. She grew old in
my service, and was not remarkable for her size, but rather for her
uncommon swiftness. I always coursed with her. Had you seen her you must
have admired her, and would not have wondered at my predilection, and
at my coursing her so much. She ran so fast, so much, and so long in my
service, that she actually ran off her legs; so that, in the latter part
of her life, I was under the necessity of working and using her only as
a terrier, in which quality she still served me many years.

Coursing one day a hare, which appeared to me uncommonly big, I pitied
my poor bitch, being big with pups, yet she would course as fast as
ever. I could follow her on horseback only at a great distance. At once
I heard a cry as it were of a pack of hounds--but so weak and faint
that I hardly knew what to make of it. Coming up to them, I was greatly
surprised. The hare had littered in running; the same had happened to
my bitch in coursing, and there were just as many leverets as pups. By
instinct the former ran, the latter coursed: and thus I found myself
in possession at once of six hares, and as many dogs, at the end of a
course which had only begun with one.

I remember this, my wonderful bitch, with the same pleasure and
tenderness as a superb Lithuanian horse, which no money could have
bought. He became mine by an accident, which gave me an opportunity
of showing my horsemanship to a great advantage. I was at Count
Przobossky's noble country-seat in Lithuania, and remained with the
ladies at tea in the drawing-room, while the gentlemen were down in
the yard, to see a young horse of blood which had just arrived from the
stud. We suddenly heard a noise of distress; I hastened down-stairs, and
found the horse so unruly, that nobody durst approach or mount him.
The most resolute horsemen stood dismayed and aghast; despondency was
expressed in every countenance, when, in one leap, I was on his back,
took him by surprise, and worked him quite into gentleness and obedience
with the best display of horsemanship I was master of. Fully to show
this to the ladies, and save them unnecessary trouble, I forced him to
leap in at one of the open windows of the tea-room, walked round several
times, pace, trot, and gallop, and at last made him mount the tea-table,
there to repeat his lessons in a pretty style of miniature which was
exceedingly pleasing to the ladies, for he performed them amazingly
well, and did not break either cup or saucer. It placed me so high in
their opinion, and so well in that of the noble lord, that, with his
usual politeness, he begged I would accept of this young horse, and
ride him full career to conquest and honour in the campaign against the
Turks, which was soon to be opened, under the command of Count Munich.

I could not indeed have received a more agreeable present, nor a
more ominous one at the opening of that campaign, in which I made my
apprenticeship as a soldier. A horse so gentle, so spirited, and so
fierce--at once a lamb and a Bucephalus, put me always in mind of the
soldier's and the gentleman's duty! of young Alexander, and of the
astonishing things he performed in the field.

We took the field, among several other reasons, it seems, with an
intention to retrieve the character of the Russian arms, which had been
blemished a little by Czar Peter's last campaign on the Pruth; and this
we fully accomplished by several very fatiguing and glorious campaigns
under the command of that great general I mentioned before.

Modesty forbids individuals to arrogate to themselves great successes
or victories, the glory of which is generally engrossed by the
commander--nay, which is rather awkward, by kings and queens who never
smelt gunpowder but at the field-days and reviews of their troops; never
saw a field of battle, or an enemy in battle array.

Nor do I claim any particular share of glory in the great engagements
with the enemy. We all did our duty, which, in the patriot's, soldier's,
and gentleman's language, is a very comprehensive word, of great honour,
meaning, and import, and of which the generality of idle quidnuncs
and coffee-house politicians can hardly form any but a very mean and
contemptible idea. However, having had the command of a body of hussars,
I went upon several expeditions, with discretionary powers; and the
success I then met with is, I think, fairly and only to be placed to my
account, and to that of the brave fellows whom I led on to conquest and
to victory. We had very hot work once in the van of the army, when we
drove the Turks into Oczakow. My spirited Lithuanian had almost brought
me into a scrape: I had an advanced fore-post, and saw the enemy coming
against me in a cloud of dust, which left me rather uncertain about
their actual numbers and real intentions: to wrap myself up in a
similar cloud was common prudence, but would not have much advanced my
knowledge, or answered the end for which I had been sent out; therefore
I let my flankers on both wings spread to the right and left and make
what dust they could, and I myself led on straight upon the enemy, to
have nearer sight of them: in this I was gratified, for they stood and
fought, till, for fear of my flankers, they began to move off rather
disorderly. This was the moment to fall upon them with spirit; we broke
them entirely--made a terrible havoc amongst them, and drove them not
only back to a walled town in their rear, but even through it, contrary
to our most sanguine expectation.

The swiftness of my Lithuanian enabled me to be foremost in the pursuit;
and seeing the enemy fairly flying through the opposite gate, I thought
it would be prudent to stop in the market-place, to order the men to
rendezvous. I stopped, gentlemen; but judge of my astonishment when
in this market-place I saw not one of my hussars about me! Are they
scouring the other streets? or what is become of them? They could not
be far off, and must, at all events, soon join me. In that expectation
I walked my panting Lithuanian to a spring in this market-place, and let
him drink. He drank uncommonly, with an eagerness not to be satisfied,
but natural enough; for when I looked round for my men, what should I
see, gentlemen! the hind part of the poor creature--croup and legs were
missing, as if he had been cut in two, and the water ran out as it came
in, without refreshing or doing him any good! How it could have happened
was quite a mystery to me, till I returned with him to the town-gate.
There I saw, that when I rushed in pell-mell with the flying enemy, they
had dropped the portcullis (a heavy falling door, with sharp spikes at
the bottom, let down suddenly to prevent the entrance of an enemy into
a fortified town) unperceived by me, which had totally cut off his hind
part, that still lay quivering on the outside of the gate. It would have
been an irreparable loss, had not our farrier contrived to bring both
parts together while hot. He sewed them up with sprigs and young shoots
of laurels that were at hand; the wound healed, and, what could not have
happened but to so glorious a horse, the sprigs took root in his body,
grew up, and formed a bower over me; so that afterwards I could go upon
many other expeditions in the shade of my own and my horse's laurels.



CHAPTER VI

_The Baron is made a prisoner of war, and sold for a slave--Keeps the
Sultan's bees, which are attacked by two bears--Loses one of his bees;
a silver hatchet, which he throws at the bears, rebounds and flies up to
the moon; brings it back by an ingenious invention; falls to the earth
on his return, and helps himself out of a pit--Extricates himself from
a carriage which meets his in a narrow road, in a manner never before
attempted nor practised since--The wonderful effects of the frost upon
his servant's French horn._

I was not always successful. I had the misfortune to be overpowered
by numbers, to be made prisoner of war; and, what is worse, but always
usual among the Turks, to be sold for a slave. [The Baron was afterwards
in great favour with the Grand Seignior, as will appear hereafter.] In
that state of humiliation my daily task was not very hard and laborious,
but rather singular and irksome. It was to drive the Sultan's bees every
morning to their pasture-grounds, to attend them all the day long, and
against night to drive them back to their hives. One evening I missed a
bee, and soon observed that two bears had fallen upon her to tear her to
pieces for the honey she carried. I had nothing like an offensive weapon
in my hands but the silver hatchet, which is the badge of the Sultan's
gardeners and farmers. I threw it at the robbers, with an intention to
frighten them away, and set the poor bee at liberty; but, by an unlucky
turn of my arm, it flew upwards, and continued rising till it
reached the moon. How should I recover it? how fetch it down again?
I recollected that Turkey-beans grow very quick, and run up to an
astonishing height. I planted one immediately; it grew, and actually
fastened itself to one of the moon's horns. I had no more to do now
but to climb up by it into the moon, where I safely arrived, and had a
troublesome piece of business before I could find my silver hatchet, in
a place where everything has the brightness of silver; at last,
however, I found it in a heap of chaff and chopped straw. I was now for
returning: but, alas! the heat of the sun had dried up my bean; it was
totally useless for my descent: so I fell to work, and twisted me a rope
of that chopped straw, as long and as well as I could make it. This I
fastened to one of the moon's horns, and slid down to the end of it.
Here I held myself fast with the left hand, and with the hatchet in my
right, I cut the long, now useless end of the upper part, which, when
tied to the lower end, brought me a good deal lower: this repeated
splicing and tying of the rope did not improve its quality, or bring me
down to the Sultan's farm. I was four or five miles from the earth at
least when it broke; I fell to the ground with such amazing violence,
that I found myself stunned, and in a hole nine fathoms deep at
least, made by the weight of my body falling from so great a height: I
recovered, but knew not how to get out again; however, I dug slopes or
steps with my finger-nails [the Baron's nails were then of forty years'
growth], and easily accomplished it.

Peace was soon after concluded with the Turks, and gaining my liberty,
I left St. Petersburg at the time of that singular revolution, when the
emperor in his cradle, his mother, the Duke of Brunswick, her father,
Field-Marshal Munich, and many others were sent to Siberia. The winter
was then so uncommonly severe all over Europe, that ever since the sun
seems to be frost-bitten. At my return to this place, I felt on the road
greater inconveniences than those I had experienced on my setting out.

I travelled post, and finding myself in a narrow lane, bid the
postillion give a signal with his horn, that other travellers might
not meet us in the narrow passage. He blew with all his might; but his
endeavours were in vain, he could not make the horn sound, which was
unaccountable, and rather unfortunate, for soon after we found ourselves
in the presence of another coach coming the other way: there was no
proceeding; however, I got out of my carriage, and being pretty strong,
placed it, wheels and all, upon my head: I then jumped over a hedge
about nine feet high (which, considering the weight of the coach, was
rather difficult) into a field, and came out again by another jump into
the road beyond the other carriage: I then went back for the horses, and
placing one upon my head, and the other under my left arm, by the same
means brought them to my coach, put to, and proceeded to an inn at the
end of our stage. I should have told you that the horse under my arm was
very spirited, and not above four years old; in making my second spring
over the hedge, he expressed great dislike to that violent kind of
motion by kicking and snorting; however, I confined his hind legs
by putting them into my coat-pocket. After we arrived at the inn my
postillion and I refreshed ourselves: he hung his horn on a peg near the
kitchen fire; I sat on the other side.

Suddenly we heard a _tereng! tereng! teng! teng!_ We looked round, and
now found the reason why the postillion had not been able to sound his
horn; his tunes were frozen up in the horn, and came out now by thawing,
plain enough, and much to the credit of the driver; so that the honest
fellow entertained us for some time with a variety of tunes, without
putting his mouth to the horn--"The King of Prussia's March," "Over the
Hill and over the Dale," with many other favourite tunes; at length the
thawing entertainment concluded, as I shall this short account of my
Russian travels.

_Some travellers are apt to advance more than is perhaps strictly true;
if any of the company entertain a doubt of my veracity, I shall only
say to such, I pity their want of faith, and must request they will
take leave before I begin the second part of my adventures, which are as
strictly founded in fact as those I have already related._
